FEELING CALM IN THE MIDST OF COVID-19.

No doubt this is a strange time in our lives. What’s even stranger for me, personally, is I haven’t felt this good in well over a year.

Since this has all gone down, I no longer feel bogged down by my grief or sadness, I feel refreshed when waking up in the morning and energized pretty much all day everyday. I’m finding the joy again in cooking meals versus it feeling like a chore. Hell, I even picked out some books I want to read in my spare time. I haven’t been able to properly silent my mind to concentrate on reading an actual book in the last year.

It makes no sense to feel a state of calm while the world around me is literally falling apart. However, I was surprised to realize I’m not alone in these feelings.

I read an article about many people who normally suffer from anxieties or depression, are actually feeling better in the midst of this pandemic. Some are even being sought out on ways to cope by their friends and family who normally don’t suffer from either anxiety or depression.

The common question about feeling this way, is why? And, really I don’t think there is one answer. It’s probably for a multitude of reasons.

We are no longer feeling the pressure to “show up” since we’re forced to stay home.
Our anxiety always has us fearing the worst in a situation, and a lot of the worst has happened with this pandemic. Or, we’ve personally already experienced the worst of our life’s scenarios before COVID, so in comparison to that this feels like a “bump” in the road.
Our perspective is more aligned, having been through some terrible scenarios in our life. I know for me, after last year, the most important thing for me in life, above all else, is HEALTH. The health of myself and my loved ones.
We feel in control of this situation, by staying home, disinfecting items etc. This situation could feel more controllable than other situations we encounter during our lifetime.
We have more time. There’s no commuting to and from work, there’s no obligated plans to attend on weekends. Literally all we have to do out of the house these days is a grocery shop trip. Having more time allows us more moments for decompressing, self care/love, enjoying our families, our favourite TV show or book etc.
As above, we have more time, which means less time to ignore the problems in our life. Some of us are having to face issues or things we were ignoring head on now. This time could be helping us heal from past ignored trauma’s we’ve endured.
Maybe this is just our brains way of coping. We’ve exhausted all those anxious feelings, that the brain is now protecting us in it’s own way.
We desperately have wanted the world to stop for us for so long, now it finally has and it’s a relief.

This doesn’t mean our anxiety, grief, depression won’t show up again, but it’s certainly a good feeling to get a “break” from it.

I’ve even felt more signs coming through from my friend this past month. As if, my mind is clear and more open to receive the signs from her. That in itself is a comfort during this all.

By sharing my feelings, I’m not trying to isolate anyone feeling the opposite. Nor am I trying to come across as insensitive.

Yes, I feel good, but that doesn’t mean I don’t at times feel the weight of devastation going on around me.

I get emotional over firefighters and police stopping in front of hospitals to clap for the doctors and nurses, I cry over the wife who lost her husband and could only see him over Facetime while he passed away. The thought of people dying alone and loved one’s not getting that closure is sometimes one of the last thoughts I have before sleep.

I still have worries about the health of family and friends.

My heart hurts for every small business that won’t make it through this, and every person whose lost their job and has no idea how they’re going to pay their bills. I also feel for any employer having to make that decision to lay off staff members.

I think of the people whose home is not a safe place to stay. I can’t imagine the constant anxiety a lockdown would cause for people in these situations.

I also constantly think of our healthcare workers, and other frontline workers, who don’t have the option to stay home. I see them online. They are pregnant and immune compromised but still go to work everyday. They go into infected hospitals where they don’t know if they will have proper PPE for their 14 hour, if not longer, shift. They have to send their children away, or completely stay away from their families all together to protect them. They endure some of the most horrific medical situations we’ve ever seen. I can not imagine the trauma these people are feeling everyday.

I’m not sure if there is a “point” to this post, other than to say we all need to give space to whatever we’re feeling during this time.

No way is right or wrong. I say that about almost every situation in life, so why would this one be any different?

f you feel the same way as me, let’s chat.

If you are feeling the complete opposite as me, let’s chat.

Just because we have differing emotions towards COVID, doesn’t mean we aren’t in this together.