NOT READY TO SAY GOODBYE.

I have mixed feelings about saying goodbye to 2019 and hello to 2020.

2019 was the worst year of my life, I’m glad to see it go, however saying sayōnara to the year doesn’t mean the toll it's taken on my life magically dissapears.

The new year always represents a clean slate. A fresh start.

Not really for me though. It's not like I can just say, "ok self, it's a new year so feel better."

I'm carrying a ton of baggage into this new year. Like overweight baggage you get charged for and with a broken wheel so you're working ten times harder to drag it around the airport with you. I often wonder if emotional baggage was visual like that, would people be kinder? More understanding?

Not being in my own home doesn't help the feelings of being lost in my path or stuck in a rut. We're still in the thick of renovating the new home, and living with 5 other adults and a toddler doesn't allow for much personal growth or healing. Not having your own space is so easy for makeing excuses for the small goals I wish to set for 2020.

Not enough room in the packed fridge to make healthy lunches for the entire week.

I don't have any of my own workout equipment to use for home workouts,or the space.

I have nowhere to read a book before bed, because my daughter is asleep by 8 and we share a room.

I don't have the personal time to get together with other bloggers/influencers to learn and bounce ideas off of because I'm 24/7 with my daughter.

See, so easy. I'm giving myself excuses to not try for that fresh start.

I know these feelings are temporary, and that was really driven home after reading @lapetitenoob post today, but I’m just not feeling the celebration and new beginings of 2020 like everyone else.