PHYSICAL GRIEF

I’ve been mulling over writing and sharing this post for awhile...

To me, it feels the most vulnerable of my shared grief posts. Why?

It revolves around my physical appearance. Specifically weight gain.

Why gaining weight, or acknowledging I've gained weight, makes me feel so vulnerable, who knows? Maybe because I've always maintained the same weight and clothing size for so long? Since losing my friend (and in truth prior to losing her) I’ve gained about 12 pounds, give or take a pound at the moment. It’s the heaviest I’ve ever weighed, non-pregnant. Honestly, the number on the scale isn’t the big deal. It’s that my clothes don’t fit, and I can see the changes that I also feel within my soul.

I’m not sharing this part of me as a way to fish for “but you look so great” compliments. I’m sharing this because, I believe there are two very important things to learn about grief from this.

One, I want to let people know grief isn’t just emotional. It’s very much physical and can sometimes alter your appearance. You gain more wrinkles, the bags and dark circles under your eyes become permanent, you notice grey hairs, your hair starts to thin, your eyes burn from feeling exhausted all the time, you feel nauseous often, and so on.

Two, and the most important "why" I’m sharing this, is it’s VISUAL proof we all navigate our grief journey’s differently. I've spoken before on how different grief journeys are, and this is one of those ways. Some people are too sad to eat, therefore their grief causes them to lose weight. For me, my sadness brought me to treating myself. Things I normally wouldn’t eat, but I treated myself to because I deserved it, or because I was sad.

Basically I just want to stress, again, that our journeys can be relatable, but not the same.

Lastly, I want to remind anyone navigating grief to please be kind to yourself. Remember you’re doing whatever you need to survive right now, and for some of us maybe what you need right now is that second Oreo. Don't regret that you had it, or that it added an extra number to the scale. Life is too short for regrets, and we'd know that better than most.